July 2024 - The leaning
A month of changes.
Stopped watching Youtube for good.
Stopped listening to podcasts for good.
Quit social media for the most part, only ArtStation and NewGrounds being used in any capacity.
Will probably upload stuff to youtube but not watch anymore, unless it has some crucial tutorial or something like that. Even in those cases I've looked to not enter the site. It's a timesink, where opinions I don't really care about waste precious brain bandwidth. As Jon Blow said "social media brings about low quality thoughts" (give or take).
I have always been regretful about getting hooked on listening to stuff while I worked or sketched. The best ideas come when you are bored and entertaining yourself with dumb jokes and random stories. Podcasts/streams/videos/audiobooks meant muffling that voice so I could get through the day undistracted, but not really having been there. Thoughts never too bright, always with something in my mind that wasn't meant to be there. I'll say it here so it's set, I don't really care about the gaming industry, the movie industry, the culture wars, AI, politics, blah blah blah; they were always an excuse to procrastinate. I don't want to consume other people's anger fuel, I just want to be a better husband, a better son, a better friend, and a better artist (and a better fucking padel player). The world could turn upside down and I would still want the same. Didn't Sam Neill say something about killing gods by turning our back on them in his iconic role as Merlin? Maybe.
After I got married I realized in a very deep way, how much of my time was being wasted by "participating" in culturally relevant conversations. In reality, most of the time I was just another voice in the cacophony of unheard opinions, and for what? For some online personality's approval? For fake internet points? To feel "in on the current thing"? I realized I didn't want to be that ever again, even if it makes me look dumb or dull to other people. Call me willfully ignorant, or myopic (I literally am shortsighted), but I think we've been sold on a false need to be always "informed" while most information is just an iteration of yesterday's iteration, all the while we ignore our geographically and personally closest people's needs.
"I know, I know, health issues, Dear, but have you thought about the character designs in the Chinese game you don't play?"
There is also something perturbingly dark about listening to some dude as background noise, as if he was an old fridge or AC unit. Specially grim when your inner monologue starts having his voice, as if not even your thoughts were your own. I've caught myself repeating opinions as my own without really considering if I agreed with them or not.
In that line, I feel a lot clearer minded (English, amirite). I've started doing more intellectually interesting things, like reading and studying. At this point I've started to see habitually using social media as drinking or doing drugs. I don't want to be preachy, though; to each their own.
So here is a list of things I did this month, as a form of journal for when I say "Damn, got nothing done lately":
- Read Mistborn Secret History, pretty neat, although a bit fanservicy as a premise.
- I got about 2/3 done with Outpost by Dmitry Glukhovsky, it's been a slow read because the book is fucking boring.
Watched The Simpsons a lot while working and quit that too (can be replacing one distraction with another).
Listened to a lot of game music. I played about 20 minutes of Genshin Impact and although I dig the aesthetic, the game is not for me at all. Even so, I found most of its OST to be super nice to listen to.
Wrote this.
Shaded about half a comic.
Did a book cover and then I repainted most of it.
Did a book illustration and a half.
Sketched again, which I had stopped doing.
Studied some, which I hadn't done in quite a while.
Created a tool that was pretty cool, and then I realized it already existed. Mine is better because whoever made it before wasn't me.
Torn my calf muscle lmao. Couldn't jump for a bit. I started stretching with some Slovenian dude's videos, guy's overweight but has great flexibility.
Practiced with Blender daily -> did half of this course and will continue to practice in 30 minute increments (it's all I can spare right now). I've been starting and stopping with blender for years now, so sticking with it daily has been a personal victory beyond its actual effect on my blender skills, which I gotta hone by practicing. One of my dreams is to design merch in 3d, making this a step into a personally meaningful path.
Studied Japanese -> I just like the language. I've been doing my daily reviews in WaniKani and started using LingQ, which isn't the best. LingQ divides words and phrases weirdly in Japanese, but at least it's been helpful to read difficult texts.
It isn't nearly enough, but some of the changes I made will aid that progress to be steady this time and that my initial goal for this year being the "Year of the lean" will get accomplished.
I probably did more stuff on the personal side of things, but that's for my physical journal.
Cheers, see you next month :)
Cyan